I must be too annoying 4 u.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
two words...techno handjob
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
