how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
