you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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