I like to think it a success when the cops are called
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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