Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
