Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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