first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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