thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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