My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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