Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
