dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
