Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
