yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
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Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
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Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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