official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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