My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Randomize
