So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
