its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
