how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
