I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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