I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
