I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
