omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
