I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
