he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
