I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
