I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
