Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
