there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
