Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
