I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Randomize
