There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Dignity is for republicans.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
