Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
