so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
