her vagina looked like bernie madoff
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
