i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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