wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
