So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Randomize
