I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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