Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
