There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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