Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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