Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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