My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
