I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
