Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
