thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
