apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
