Whoa Z and x make the same sound
farters have to be the big spoon...
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
