I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
