I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I need moral support for this bender
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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