I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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