All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
