that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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