So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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