So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Randomize
