I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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