S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
third nipple confirmed
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
