pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
