you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Naked. naked and bneed help.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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