I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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