Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
