so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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