wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
