So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
