where am i from again
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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