omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
