Sacagawea was the original milf.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
