put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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