i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
