watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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