saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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