I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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