you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
