DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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