She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
