she woke up with a sticky ear
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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