"it" just moved
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Found the puke drawer
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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