First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
