we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
