I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
