when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?