is your mom at the bar?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.