why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle