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Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
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