last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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