i was rollin on her like bob the builder
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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